Finding Your "Why:" How to Set Meaningful New Year's Intentions

Bringing our whole selves to the intention-setting process

On a winter holiday walk with family at Nay Aug Park in Scranton, PA (12.23.24).

As I wrote at the start of this year, I’m not the biggest fan of setting New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve realized that in many cases, the goals or resolutions that I tried to set for myself every year was motivated by either people-pleasing—doing something for someone else or to draw others to me—or shame—I should be doing x-y-z, and if not I’m a lazy POS. Even when looking back at my 2024 intentions, I can see the need to be liked and accepted by others is in the driver’s seat.

Revisiting my 2024 Intentions

1. Trust my own intuition - I’m still working on this, and it remains my top priority. As it turns out, unearthing years of dissociation and self-abandonment means that it takes time for your own system to trust you and allow your innermost self to guide your decisions.

2. Adopt a positive attitude, especially when dealing with situations that make me uncomfortable or upset. - I now have a different relationship with this idea. If a situation is making me uncomfortable or upset, I can outwardly mask positivity to get through it if necessary, but I otherwise check in with myself to determine if the discomfort is justified in the present moment. In many cases, the situation is either triggering a past painful experience or is leading to justified anger or sadness. While I intend to live more in the present, I also want to acknowledge an internalized societal tendency to “look on the bright side” or think “it’s not a big deal” when my body, nervous system, and core identity feel otherwise.

3. Treat others with kindness and respect, especially when interacting with people who don’t share my values or perspective. - I have a more nuanced response to this intention as well. I agree that it is possible to be kind and respectful to others, however, if that person says something upsetting that challenges your values or feels harmful to yourself, people, or causes I care about, it is in my right to disagree and offer my own point of view. I think it is still incredibly important to listen to others and call people in, while allowing room for respectful disagreement and discussion.

Letting Go of 2024

Now that I’ve analyzed last year’s intentions, it’s time to identify what I’m letting go of this year.

1. Negative Self-Talk: I’m done with putting myself down, even in seemingly innocuous ways like sarcasm and self-deprecation.

2. Neglecting My Needs: While my executive functioning deficiencies can sometimes get in the way of this, I’m done with waiting hours before feeding myself, drinking water, and getting up to stretch or take a walk even if I “haven’t worked enough” or “haven’t gotten enough housework” done. Needs are needs, period, not something I can withhold from myself as punishment.

3. Being “Easy Going:” If I have a different desire, need, or preference from the available options, I’m no longer ignoring myself for the sake of getting along with the group. I’ll embrace challenge and discomfort on my terms, from my own decision-making.

Working With Your Unique Brain

If you’re a recovering people-pleaser like me, it may be difficult to identify your own wants, needs, and desires. This can make it especially challenging for those of us with neurodivergence or executive functioning deficits to set long-term goals, let alone while keeping house, holding down a job, and taking care of yourself and your family.

As an aside, I recently learned about these core motivators for those of us with an interest-based nervous system, which is different from the neurotypical “importance-based system” of prioritizing tasks, meaning the task is personally significant, important to someone they care about, or tied to clear rewards or penalties.

I’m planning to use this knowledge to inform my intentions and how I want to act on them, as well as managing the necessary “to-do’s” of everyday living. Copied from “Interest-Based Nervous System: Understanding ADHD and Motivation,” our motivation is driven by:

• Passion (and Play): Engaging in activities that are enjoyable and intrinsically motivating.

• Interest: Focusing on tasks that are inherently fascinating and captivating.

• Novelty: Seeking out new, shiny, and exciting experiences to maintain engagement.

• Competition (Cooperation or Challenge): Adding an element of competition, working cooperatively, or turning tasks into challenges to make them more engaging.

• Hurry (Urgency): Completing tasks under time pressure to create a sense of urgency.

Setting Realistic, Value-Driven 2025 Intentions

In her book Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power, author Hailey Magee invites readers to acknowledge and tend to their wants and needs, recognize and name what we need from others, and take actions and live based on our own values—click here for a list of common values for reference. Based on her suggestions, as well as what I’ve learned in my own research and self-discovery journey I’m going to choose a few values that I plan to embody in 2025.

My 2025 Intentions

1. I will seek out COMMUNITY through guided walks, group meditations, spiritual ceremonies, ecstatic dance, and other meaningful experiences to connect with others who share my interests.

2. I will embrace CREATIVITY when it emerges through the urge to dance, write, photograph, explore, experience art and music, and express myself.

3. I will use PERSISTENCE and DISCIPLINE to meet my goals, moving from surviving to thriving in my day-to-day existence by using organizational tools, support, and working within my abilities and capacity rather than resorting to shame and self-punishment.

4. I will find JOY within the present moment as often as I can, through my own experience and while interacting with meaningful people, events, and activities.

5. I will move through the world with PURPOSE and BALANCE, actively choosing how I want to spend my limited time, energy, and financial resources each and every day. Learning when to challenge myself and when to slow down and rest.

What are your intentions for 2025? Hailey Magee has a helpful blog post full of journaling prompts to consider titled “9 powerful journal prompts to celebrate your growth in 2024—and envision a bold, values-aligned 2025, if you’re not sure where to start.”

I also recommend checking out this episode of the “Being Well” Podcast for more tips on creating intentions from our authentic wants and needs: “Beyond Resolutions: Discover What You Want in 2025.”

I wish you a safe, embodied, fulfilling, and purposeful new year, welcoming all the blessings and challenges that arise along the way.

with gratitude,

Michaela